So it's time for another new year to begin, what will happen in this new year, possibly a better time then this last year, 2010 was not a good year the couple of months have been just not so good and i am just glad to say goodbye to this year, not getting into anything, but i am glad that i have my family, who has been there for me when i needed them the most, and for my rats that gave me love and affection. Not sure if i am doing all to much tonight i might just have dinner with my sister and some friends, i did have a opportunity to go get drunk, but in my fragile state i've been in the last few weeks i don't really think that drinking is going to make things better lol, just a simple celebration for me, you know i don't even recall what i did for last new years. well i hope everyone has a safe and fun time bringing in the new year and I hope your 2010 year was better then mine and i hope for all of us the 2011 is going to be great, i don't really do resolutions because i never do them, but i think just working on becoming a better me is always in the works. So til next year bye for now!!!!
XOXOXO D
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas
Holy cow haven't written in such a long time so i thought it would be a good time to do it lol, and say MERRY CHRISTMAS. sorry i've been so busy this month its been nuts, doing those drawings, for the 12 days of christmas, working, getting the gifts for family, wrapping, My nieces first bithday having it in the mountains, crazy rain weather, woosh and so much more, hopefully things will take a little break and calm down, but now to much don't want to be to boring ya know lol, well that is all i can say right now, i still have to get ready before my family gets here, So MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY!
Monday, November 22, 2010
long time no see dear friend lol
sorry its been a while since i posted, not like i have any fans or anything, but still i like to write for me, anyway this has been one shitty ass month for i think me and my whole family, and some other people i know. i should of posted this the day it happened but i was to distraught to and i just don't think i was ready to divulge the information yet on here, so any way i was seeing some one , it actually happened pretty fast and ended that way too kinda smelled that one coming, but anyway on to the important stuff, my rat butterz i can tell was getting on in her short life span, she even had a bump by her groin the seemed troublsome , i hadn't been able to get her to the vet , but i knew i had to make time especially since she began to grow a bump on the side of her face and i was going to take her to the vet to have it removed, but the night before her vet appointment the bump poped and it was oozing puss, so i took her in to the vet as scheduled and the doctor took a look at her and said they were going to put her under and take a look and clean her up, and to pick her back up at like 3 so the time came around i got my butterz back and she has sutures in her face the doctor told me to bring back in 12 days to have them removed, and also that she has cancerous tumors inside of her that will be the death of her i wept for my baby girl, took her home and tried to make her as comfortable as possible, the next day thursday 11th i was getting ready for work, and it was weird too, because my work called me wanting me to come earlier then i was scheduled because someone didn't show up so i was busy getting my stuff together and then i noticed my butterz , that something was wrong with her and i went to her side and discovered she was bleeding and she had bled a lot around her cage, i got her out and saw she poped open her sutures , i called the vet told me to bring her in gathered what i could and my dad took us to the vet, but due to loss of blood and shock she died on my lap told my dad to turn around, my dad comforted me the best he knows how and told me we will bury her next to her sisters, this loss was really hard for me i took it hard and i could not let go of her for the life of me i held on to her for a long time in my arms, but finally wrapped her up in her blanky she loved to sleep on and gave her a picture of me and some yogies and put her in her little coffin and i also wrote on it kissed and said goodbye and gave her to my dads wife to bury i ran in my room and cried, i was going to call off work, but i didn't i went it and i am glad because it kept my mind of her til i got home , the next few days were very hard, i expected to see her run out to greet me or be there to get a treat, and everytime i would tell her story tears would feel my eyes, like they are now, i loved my little butterz you will never know how much, i am so glad my Kyoshi has Lola or i don't think she would of been around much longer, Kyoshi and Butterz were a pair, i feel butterz was stolen from me, it wasn't her time yet, and i believe it was my fault i don't think I should of took her to the vet, because Kyoshi had a similar bump that went away and i think i should of let butterz managae it on her and she probably would of been around for a little longer, i mean no matter when she went it would still be hard as hell for me to say goodbye, but i miss my baby butterz so much so very very much, rest in peace my sweet butterz
this was when i first got her
Goodbye my baby girl..........
after that i felt empty and been putting on this facade of happiness i just don't think there is any real happiness for me out there, i mean yes i love my family and my two other ratties, but i mean something that will change this outlook i've always had , right now i am just living, being there for my family and my ratties, trying to figure out what i am going to do for the rest of this existence because suicide isn't a option at all, anyway, at work there was a guy interested in me, several online are interested in me, but i am sick of this men who think they know what they want but are just boys pretended to be men, so as of recent i've been taking a break and just focusing on whats in front of me , although i am crushing on someone who is talking to me online, he is incredibly sexy, the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen and he is a artist , but for now it's just this infatuation probably won't go anywhere but a simple back and forth on the internet, is love out there for me ? does love exist?
all that plus my mother is becoming a shut in and shuting me and my sister out, she was watching my niece during the week, but she is being a selfish brat and has stopped watching my niece, but i am watching her monday's , and a friend of my sisters is watching her up to friday and then my dad and his wife watch her, i enjoy my time with my niece, and i am glad i can be there for her , i don't even think i will be seeing my mother for thanksgiving even though we invited her and haven't spoken ill of her to her face, we understand she's going through something and we have moved on, but if she continues to push us a away what else is there to do but to stay away .
Other then all that, i try to draw , i play with my ratties and love and cherish my time with them, i want to design a tattoo of all them, and put it on my back, I am addicted to this show called Heros, it's made me laugh and cry and not want to look away, i am obessed with owl jewelry if i like it i want it basically lol. well that's pretty much it for now i am tired but i think i want to draw and then i will get some rest , have to do laundry tomorrow lol.
For now my lovelys
XOXO D
this was when i first got her
Goodbye my baby girl..........
after that i felt empty and been putting on this facade of happiness i just don't think there is any real happiness for me out there, i mean yes i love my family and my two other ratties, but i mean something that will change this outlook i've always had , right now i am just living, being there for my family and my ratties, trying to figure out what i am going to do for the rest of this existence because suicide isn't a option at all, anyway, at work there was a guy interested in me, several online are interested in me, but i am sick of this men who think they know what they want but are just boys pretended to be men, so as of recent i've been taking a break and just focusing on whats in front of me , although i am crushing on someone who is talking to me online, he is incredibly sexy, the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen and he is a artist , but for now it's just this infatuation probably won't go anywhere but a simple back and forth on the internet, is love out there for me ? does love exist?
all that plus my mother is becoming a shut in and shuting me and my sister out, she was watching my niece during the week, but she is being a selfish brat and has stopped watching my niece, but i am watching her monday's , and a friend of my sisters is watching her up to friday and then my dad and his wife watch her, i enjoy my time with my niece, and i am glad i can be there for her , i don't even think i will be seeing my mother for thanksgiving even though we invited her and haven't spoken ill of her to her face, we understand she's going through something and we have moved on, but if she continues to push us a away what else is there to do but to stay away .
Other then all that, i try to draw , i play with my ratties and love and cherish my time with them, i want to design a tattoo of all them, and put it on my back, I am addicted to this show called Heros, it's made me laugh and cry and not want to look away, i am obessed with owl jewelry if i like it i want it basically lol. well that's pretty much it for now i am tired but i think i want to draw and then i will get some rest , have to do laundry tomorrow lol.
For now my lovelys
XOXO D
Friday, November 5, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
For my first blog of the month i thought it should come on my birthday, already this early morning i have received many birthday wishes from friends and family, and it really make me happy that i have these special people in my life that care enough to wish me a happy birthday, i wish i had the day off, but unfortunately i have to go into work today, but still it feels very nice to have people care to wish me happy birthday. well another birthday for me is here and today i turn 26 years old, wasn't it just yesterday I had turned 25 may where does the time go , speaking of time its about that time i head off to work, well to all those other people whose birthday's are today HAPPY BIRTHDAY and hope your day is great and your wishes come true.
XOXO D
XOXO D
Monday, October 25, 2010
Long Long Long ago
I used to write in my blog lol, but i guess work and other things, have been keeping me from doing so sorries. I ve really been meaning to just come on here and keep it up but then dang i would get distracted with something else i swear i have the mind of like nat lol or a crow because i like shiny things haha.
So other then working and making some money, i've been trying TRYING to draw; ok so like for the month of october i wanted to draw about 20 drawings of pictures related to halloween and so i was supposed to do five for every week of october but yea that didn't quiet work out lol, I actually only have about six done so yea I am like waaaaaay behind. so then beside trying to draw but not being succesful at it lol , ive been hanging out with my family, carving pumpkins, hanging out with some new people and some old friends, opened a new bank account with a new bank.
I am actually excited for halloween because i am dressing up as a witch and well i am doing it because we can dress up for work, and its soooo cute but i got a little broom pen its so fucking awesome i love it, and its my niece's first halloween and my sister is going to dress her up as a pumpkin at first i hated the idea and thought she should be something more cute and stuff, but actually when had her try on the costume oh man it was soooooooo adorable i broke down and loved the idea i even based the idea on one of the drawings i completed =) so yea . Oh man just now i had a totally awesome idea as a prop for my costume holy monkey since I am a witch and like my jewelry is spider related i should so get a big spider prop as my pet with a collar oh man that would be sooooo cool, but i am pretty busy and don't always have a ride to places so i don't know if i can rig it , plus i still have to buy my step nephew a bday gift but tuesday i am going with a friend to get a tattoo done and so i am sure they have piercings for sell well hopefully .
So right now i am in this new place at a friends sleeping over so we can go early up in the high desert to get the tattoo done and i feel really uncomfortable but i am sooooooooooo happy i brang my lap top and that i was able to get internet connection, i was going to try and draw but its too dark and i can't have the lights on, miss my home or i mean my room where i am comfortable and can have the light on lol. oh well its just for tonight and then i will be home and probably bitch about being there and never getting out of my little place , but thats me bitch bitch bitch and bitch some more lol. well i am going to go check my email someone who i used to talk to about 10 years ago sent me a message and i am really eager to read it, i love it when i get all giddy when i have something to read , which if you knew the situation right now i shouldn't be idk anyway, i will try to update my blog, but really i was thinking of blogging else where, i really like tumbler and there is a place called blog spot or maybe i should see if my old live journal one is still around i like went on it once and then like never again, AHHHHHH my computer is dying it needs juice and i have no hole, lol that sounds soooo wrong oh well, NIGHT EVERYONE .
XOXO D
So other then working and making some money, i've been trying TRYING to draw; ok so like for the month of october i wanted to draw about 20 drawings of pictures related to halloween and so i was supposed to do five for every week of october but yea that didn't quiet work out lol, I actually only have about six done so yea I am like waaaaaay behind. so then beside trying to draw but not being succesful at it lol , ive been hanging out with my family, carving pumpkins, hanging out with some new people and some old friends, opened a new bank account with a new bank.
I am actually excited for halloween because i am dressing up as a witch and well i am doing it because we can dress up for work, and its soooo cute but i got a little broom pen its so fucking awesome i love it, and its my niece's first halloween and my sister is going to dress her up as a pumpkin at first i hated the idea and thought she should be something more cute and stuff, but actually when had her try on the costume oh man it was soooooooo adorable i broke down and loved the idea i even based the idea on one of the drawings i completed =) so yea . Oh man just now i had a totally awesome idea as a prop for my costume holy monkey since I am a witch and like my jewelry is spider related i should so get a big spider prop as my pet with a collar oh man that would be sooooo cool, but i am pretty busy and don't always have a ride to places so i don't know if i can rig it , plus i still have to buy my step nephew a bday gift but tuesday i am going with a friend to get a tattoo done and so i am sure they have piercings for sell well hopefully .
So right now i am in this new place at a friends sleeping over so we can go early up in the high desert to get the tattoo done and i feel really uncomfortable but i am sooooooooooo happy i brang my lap top and that i was able to get internet connection, i was going to try and draw but its too dark and i can't have the lights on, miss my home or i mean my room where i am comfortable and can have the light on lol. oh well its just for tonight and then i will be home and probably bitch about being there and never getting out of my little place , but thats me bitch bitch bitch and bitch some more lol. well i am going to go check my email someone who i used to talk to about 10 years ago sent me a message and i am really eager to read it, i love it when i get all giddy when i have something to read , which if you knew the situation right now i shouldn't be idk anyway, i will try to update my blog, but really i was thinking of blogging else where, i really like tumbler and there is a place called blog spot or maybe i should see if my old live journal one is still around i like went on it once and then like never again, AHHHHHH my computer is dying it needs juice and i have no hole, lol that sounds soooo wrong oh well, NIGHT EVERYONE .
XOXO D
Monday, September 20, 2010
Hi Ho Hi Ho it's off to work i go
so for a long time now I have been unemployed, for the most part it was nice, to sleep in, do what i wanted, practice drawing and so on and so forth, but then the bad part was no money, no money, no money lol, and so not being able to do many fun things that require you to have money, so today i went into work to fill out some remaining papers and i thought i would have the rest of this week to be bum a little longer lol, but they asked me when i could start and i was like whenever lol, and they said ok how about this week and i said ok, and then they were figuring out when and they are like ok how about tomorrow, and i said ok lol, but i did have plans to go somewhere, but i had to cancel them because i have this weird vacation time coming up real soon and i will only be able to get a ride to work on the weekends and then i am stuck at home for the rest of the weekdays so i thought i should be accommodating for them for now lol, and plus i have Wednesday off and then i work Thursday and Friday which is cool i don't mind, although i am scared how i am going to do and everything and how i will get along with the other people, there are still a lot of people there that i know and that's cool, because they are really nice people so i hope i continue to be on their good side. but it was funny, there is this like one form i had to fill out and i had to show them my id, its expired lol, and they needed a new one so after filling everything out and getting my shirt uniforms and such i left there and went to the dmv to renew my id, didn't take to long and then i had to go get a lock for the locker i will have over there. So i am going back and i am scared, nervous and excited and i hope i sleep good tonight so that i will be ready for the day ahead of me. I will post another blog up on Saturday to tell you how my work week went and so forth. so for now tah tah lol.
XOXO D
XOXO D
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Oddles of Noodles
sorry been bad about posting again so lets see last time i blogged i didn't know if i was going to be going to the beach, well we did , but we left let got there it was overcast and cold and we didn't swim, we went all the way to Malibu to have dinner on the beach lol.
then last week on Wednesday my old friend from hs came over and we watched some movies trying to get her mind off of her recent break up, then Thursday me and my BFF Melissa gathered up some people and we went to the park and had lunch and a water balloon fight it was way fun. then Saturday my family went to The L.A County fair it was fun and it wore me out, but then Sunday i hung out with my mom for some of it, then hung out with my sister and her family and my dad and i worked on doing things on their computers i was supposed to go out that night, but luckily i didn't because i was swamped.
I entered about five pieces to this lap top contest and i had fun creating all of them, i hope at least one gets recognized but like in every contest i have entered so far there are a lot of other greater talented people, but its all about practice and becoming one of the best, then i drew a picture for this new friend and they really like it and want some more so they can decorate their walls, because their walls are bare, so i have been just kicking it for a the last two days watching stuff like last night i watched the whole 3rd season of The Big Bang Theory, and then today i got half way through this one show called Freaks and Geeks, but i think tomorrow i will began to draw again.
Just trying to watch what i can and sleep in when i can, because soon, i will be joining the work force again, yup after three years i believe of being on a work break i am going back, i had been looking for work and was hoping to find something good that i would enjoy doing, but looks like i will be getting my old job back the one i quit so i could move away to ventura yay lol, i am sad sort of, but also glad i will have money to do stuff now thank goodness, you should see the list i made of things i want to save up for and buy top thing on my list clothes, especially jeans, most of my jeans have holes in them and need to be replaced, then i want to save for a better phone, and for a bed for the room i am in as of right now i sleep on a futon.
I was going to blog and then watch a movie, but i think that i am just going to go to bed i think that will be good, i need to get my sleep schedule to a decent hour.
So like i said i have been watching this show called Freaks and Geeks and it's so funny i've never heard of it til i was reading someones blog and they posted a clip of the intro to the show and it was showing who was in the cast and i couldn't believe seth rogen is in it all young and Jason Segel who played in I love you man , forgetting sarah Marshall , ya know at first i didn't like him, but he has grown me and i think he is the man of my dreams lol, so funny i just messing because i don't even know how he is in real life and he could be like a real douche bag, but man he is sooooooooooo cute in freaks and geeks , plus he is real tall, and i like a tall man, could you imagine us together hehe so cute , he is 6'4 and i am 5'2 eeeek so cute and he would bend down and kiss me, ah to dream, hopefully i will dream of him tonight meow, i wish i could do that Lucid dreaming i can control what i dream and what not, that would be killer awesome ok like if i could i would dream that he was a vampire and he wanted me, but his friends didn't want him to be around me and they always were trying to hurt me but he was there to save me and one night when we were hiding out i was so scared and their was a sound and it spooked me and he rushed to my side and held me close and told me everything was going to be alright and said a joke to make me laugh and then with his finger gently moved my face to his and he stared deeply into my eyes and smiled and said are you alright, already mesmerized by the intense moment we were having i was able to nod my head yes i moved my face closer to his all i could here was my breathing not that it was loud or anything it just was really quiet, i felt his hands reach around my back and he began pushing me towards him, and then i moved in and closed my eyes and felt his lips touch mine, his hand moved up to the back of my head and we began to kiss with delicious passion, i could feel his strength but i knew i had nothing to be afraid of, he was being gentle i pulled away and he looked down at the ground and instantly apologized i asked why and he said i don't want you to do anything you don't want to, i want to take it as slow as you would like then i moved his face to look at mine and i smiled and told him, ive been wanting to do that for a long long time and with a smirk he asked really, i nodded my head yes with smile with a crocked brow he asked would you like to do it again maybe for a longer moment, with a bright smile i agreed and i stood up and repositioned myself so that i was sitting on his lap facing him with my legs wrapped around him , ooo i like that he said he ran his hands up my legs and then up my back and pushed me towards him and this time i met his lips to mine.
Sorry about that , but when i feel inspired i feel inspired now i definitely hope i have a dream about that who is with me lol, next time i won't wait so long to write a blog, i mean i kinda just ran through what has been going on, if i didn't i think this blog would be several pages long lol.
One last thing, The third season of True Blood ended and i hate that i have to wait for its return, it really is a great show, and they left a lot of juicy cliff hangers, i am just so glad that my sister likes the show i love talking to her about it , now me and her have to find a new show to get into while we wait for the next season to arrive =)
alright well i believe that is it for now, til next time.
XOXO D
then last week on Wednesday my old friend from hs came over and we watched some movies trying to get her mind off of her recent break up, then Thursday me and my BFF Melissa gathered up some people and we went to the park and had lunch and a water balloon fight it was way fun. then Saturday my family went to The L.A County fair it was fun and it wore me out, but then Sunday i hung out with my mom for some of it, then hung out with my sister and her family and my dad and i worked on doing things on their computers i was supposed to go out that night, but luckily i didn't because i was swamped.
I entered about five pieces to this lap top contest and i had fun creating all of them, i hope at least one gets recognized but like in every contest i have entered so far there are a lot of other greater talented people, but its all about practice and becoming one of the best, then i drew a picture for this new friend and they really like it and want some more so they can decorate their walls, because their walls are bare, so i have been just kicking it for a the last two days watching stuff like last night i watched the whole 3rd season of The Big Bang Theory, and then today i got half way through this one show called Freaks and Geeks, but i think tomorrow i will began to draw again.
Just trying to watch what i can and sleep in when i can, because soon, i will be joining the work force again, yup after three years i believe of being on a work break i am going back, i had been looking for work and was hoping to find something good that i would enjoy doing, but looks like i will be getting my old job back the one i quit so i could move away to ventura yay lol, i am sad sort of, but also glad i will have money to do stuff now thank goodness, you should see the list i made of things i want to save up for and buy top thing on my list clothes, especially jeans, most of my jeans have holes in them and need to be replaced, then i want to save for a better phone, and for a bed for the room i am in as of right now i sleep on a futon.
I was going to blog and then watch a movie, but i think that i am just going to go to bed i think that will be good, i need to get my sleep schedule to a decent hour.
So like i said i have been watching this show called Freaks and Geeks and it's so funny i've never heard of it til i was reading someones blog and they posted a clip of the intro to the show and it was showing who was in the cast and i couldn't believe seth rogen is in it all young and Jason Segel who played in I love you man , forgetting sarah Marshall , ya know at first i didn't like him, but he has grown me and i think he is the man of my dreams lol, so funny i just messing because i don't even know how he is in real life and he could be like a real douche bag, but man he is sooooooooooo cute in freaks and geeks , plus he is real tall, and i like a tall man, could you imagine us together hehe so cute , he is 6'4 and i am 5'2 eeeek so cute and he would bend down and kiss me, ah to dream, hopefully i will dream of him tonight meow, i wish i could do that Lucid dreaming i can control what i dream and what not, that would be killer awesome ok like if i could i would dream that he was a vampire and he wanted me, but his friends didn't want him to be around me and they always were trying to hurt me but he was there to save me and one night when we were hiding out i was so scared and their was a sound and it spooked me and he rushed to my side and held me close and told me everything was going to be alright and said a joke to make me laugh and then with his finger gently moved my face to his and he stared deeply into my eyes and smiled and said are you alright, already mesmerized by the intense moment we were having i was able to nod my head yes i moved my face closer to his all i could here was my breathing not that it was loud or anything it just was really quiet, i felt his hands reach around my back and he began pushing me towards him, and then i moved in and closed my eyes and felt his lips touch mine, his hand moved up to the back of my head and we began to kiss with delicious passion, i could feel his strength but i knew i had nothing to be afraid of, he was being gentle i pulled away and he looked down at the ground and instantly apologized i asked why and he said i don't want you to do anything you don't want to, i want to take it as slow as you would like then i moved his face to look at mine and i smiled and told him, ive been wanting to do that for a long long time and with a smirk he asked really, i nodded my head yes with smile with a crocked brow he asked would you like to do it again maybe for a longer moment, with a bright smile i agreed and i stood up and repositioned myself so that i was sitting on his lap facing him with my legs wrapped around him , ooo i like that he said he ran his hands up my legs and then up my back and pushed me towards him and this time i met his lips to mine.
Sorry about that , but when i feel inspired i feel inspired now i definitely hope i have a dream about that who is with me lol, next time i won't wait so long to write a blog, i mean i kinda just ran through what has been going on, if i didn't i think this blog would be several pages long lol.
One last thing, The third season of True Blood ended and i hate that i have to wait for its return, it really is a great show, and they left a lot of juicy cliff hangers, i am just so glad that my sister likes the show i love talking to her about it , now me and her have to find a new show to get into while we wait for the next season to arrive =)
alright well i believe that is it for now, til next time.
XOXO D
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