Lost Another Friend

It started out a good day I got to see my mom and then later went to hang out with friends and my sister, then i got home around 1 am and i checked in on my rattie Sunflower, she was in her wooden tissue box, she had passed away. I called my sister to tell her and she comforted me and also brought out the tears i was fighting away, i made a box for her and placed her inside it along with a delicious yogie treat and some other treats for her journey and a horse she loved to chew one and other special things, I taped up the box and said my goodbyes to my sweet Sunflower, I loved her so much, it's late and i won't be able to bury her til morning so i placed her in the garage til then and that was even hard to do.

during all this i was texting people and posting on facebook of my loss, and there was this one dude i had been talking to and he thought i would comforter by him kissing me and groping me and then he said or how about i pleasure you, really really people that's just aweful, but whatever men are weird.

I will always have my ratties in my hearts, I can't believe how much love i hold for these sweet little creatures who have their own personalities, i Loved sunflower for so many reason, how strong she was , how i saw her as the mommy among the ratties, she loved to nest and she loved her sisters and me, in the end i think me and her bonded very well and she became close then ever and i just really hope she knows how much i cared and love her.

R.I.P Sunflower June 15 2008 - May 30th 2010

Wowzers

Haven't posted in a long time sorry about that, but not much has been going on the same ole bullshit. Last time I did write i was writing about sunflower and how she wasn't doing to well, well she's still kicking she walks the same as i described in the post before, but she is still alive and doing well, I believe she had a stroke when i researched online that's what i came up with, I told you my sunflower is a strong girlie =D .

Other then that I've been working of some drawings and entering them in a contest, I've even been trying to use the computer to make them better, the first one i was working on i colored it using photoshop it took some time and i nearly went insane but i got it done, i entered the one i colored which i kind of regret right now but oh well, then the second one well i took photos of my dad's dog one of the cats and my ratties and combined to make a freak of nature muahahahah it was cool kinda weird but it was fun, then the third one i worked on i drew is three different sections and then put it all together using photoshop it was awesome how well it turned out and you know how i never really do backgrounds well i did one and it wasn't that bad, but i still need a lot of practice. SO i hope at least one of my artworks gets through to the final that would be awesome more awesome if i win a place. There is another contest i might enter not sure though .

went on a few dates recently but something must be wrong, i just don't feel a connection with these guys, a few posts back i told you i was crushing on this one guy, but when we met up again it was like hmmm why was i crushing on him , i don't know it just evaporated once i got to hang out with him again, and then this other guy he was sweet took me out spent some money on me, but i just couldn't feel comfortable around him, am i missing some chemical in my brain that makes me not able to relate or something with these guys, am i that picky , i don't think i am and as much as i am lonely i just don't want to have to settle ya know and i know that's what i was doing with Sean, he was a great guy and i liked talking with him, but after a while it was like OMG enough and i just couldn't handle his whining i know that is sad but its true ; the kind of guy i would like is a outgoing guy who can do most of the talking, who is strong and can protect me if needed, someone sweet who is going to surprise me with a visit, a call, flowers etc, someone who knows how to have fun and wants to with me hehe, that's what i liked about Kirk (he was the guy i had the small crush on) his personality is awesome but i don't like the way he treated me and he just isn't ready for someone like me which sucks, because he dose seem like he can kick someones ass if he needed too hehe.

Really i think i just need to get a job or go to school, just get totally caught up in something and stop trying to find a man, because maybe somewhere deep down inside me i don't want a guy right now meh who knows i did enjoy kissing though i do love to kiss and found out that i am a aggressive kisser =D who knew lol.

Oh yea and then my ex Paul has been trying to become friends with me again, but i know he just want's something for his own selfish needs, so idk if i want to open that gate ya know, all my friends tell me that i shouldn't and maybe i should listen to that.

Been really wanting to watch Jurassic Park and i think i will just kick back and do that ;) til next time hopefully it wont be another long pause before i write again.

XOXOXOXO D

Thats not Rain it's my tears

Everything was going ok, been drawing, driving, and talked to a art school, and made a appointment to take a tour of the campus Wednesday at 11 am , then my friend Melissa wanted to finally hang out after a long time of not seeing each other (because she has someone in her life) so she came over we caught up and talked and then we started to watch bones, half way through it i saw my rat Sunflower trying to get down and she just plopped down, i thought she hurt herself and then she started to walk funny, the same walk her sister Yumyum did before she died, i got her out of the cage gave her water and some food, she did eat and my friend was saying that was good, but she was still walking as though she was drunk and that is not a good sign, my friend got on the phone with her someone, and i started to shed some tears for sunflower because i know she was fading, so my friend had to leave early even though i was in pain because i know that i am losing yet another friend to heaven. she left and i held on to my sunflower, i held her and then made a little box for her to lay in but she is such a stubborn and strong rat she just wanted to wobble around, she is my fighter never gives up, so i let her crawl around watching her when she climbs up to my shoulder she sits still, then i decided to make a little video of her and me but then my camera died when i finished it, and then i decided to give her more water and food and she ate a pretty good amount of food, which i hope is a good thing, but she was messy when she ate it i had to clean her up a little and then i did want to hold her as much as i could before i went to bed doing all that through tears, but i thought she will do well in her cage with her sisters, i put her in the tissue holder box thing and her sisters cleaned her up a little i watched them to make sure they weren't hurting her , and now she's sleeping well i hope she's getting some rest, and sweet little lola was just now running around down stairs in the cage playing cutely with a toilet paper roll, it was so adorable. But i do believe that Sunflowers life is coming to a end ..... i just hope i don't wake up and she's passed away, i hope my little fighter hangs on so i can hold her in my arms just moments more. I love you sunflower my sweet rattie. well i need to head off to bed need to get some sleep for tomorrow still need to go to that art school and see if i can get in it.

D

Yessssssssh

So sorry I haven't written in a while, but really not to much has been going on.

I did get my hair dyed finally last sunday my mom did it for me, i was hoping my friend would but she was like "uuuuh i might mess up", and i was like how can you mess up with black but oh well my mom did the job and she did it great it looks great here i will post a picture of my hair.



but really other then that I've been drawing, i drew two pictures for my mom, ones a picture of orchids and i colored it which is something i don't usually do because i hate trying to color i need help with learning how to make my pictures pop with color, and then the next picture is i drew a picture of Bella my niece, that i really hope she likes.

My rats lately have been making me laugh, i noticed my dad had threw away a sock because it had a hole in it, so i took it and cut the top part off and gave them the other part i put it on the very top level of the cage and it was soooo funny Kyoshi climbed inside and she fell over the edge i mean it was sad but sooo funny, then i put it inside where they all like to sleep in this wooden tissue box cover and my sunflower climbed inside the sock and started to sleep in it and then butterz was trying to figure it out it was very cute, they love new things.
Then just tonight i kept stumbling around this empty tissue box but they already had one in there so i thought hmmmm what will they do if it was like a little apartment so i stuck it under the old on that i cut other openings in and they had so much fun figuring it out i wouldn't be surprised if they end up sleeping in there =D

Other then that stuff, i was wishing this guy that i like would freaking talk to me, he does have a busy life, and he did get sick last weekend, but idk i am thinking it's a lost cause, i don't know what to do , because if i try to call and whatever i don't want to be coming off desperate or clingy or whatever, i just don't know what to think, he is cool, we seem to have a good vibe between us, but he probably doesn't dig me and instead of telling me that he is just letting me hang and wonder, which sucks, so basically i guess i will take it as a loss, it sucks that is like the second time where i like the guy but it goes no where, and it's always the ones that i don't really like that fall head over heels for me erg, whatevers life is what it is and i have to roll with the punches.

But the weekend will be busy and i will be with my family , and celebrating mothers day on sunday with my mommy, so that should be something lol. And i always have my crazy adorable cute ratties, that always know who to make me smile and lick my tears away hehe.

til next time, laterz.

XOXOXOXO D