Horrific Pain

Hi ya , well I've been in a roller coaster of emotions lol, somedays i feel great then others i feel real sad and then others i feel like crap, and i finally know why PMS lol for reals, like i had the symptoms for starting you know what but nothing was happening because i usually start at the beginning of the month but soon i started and it's been terrible monstrous pain and just now have the pain settled down but it hadn't been this bad for a while and it just kept me to my bed. sorry i know you really don't want to hear about my women issues but oh well haha.

so besides that i've been in the middle of something very strange, on my space i got messaged by this guy who lived not so far from me, we had talked and we met and i wasnt sure how i felt about him, if he really was my type. so now i have met him about three times and we even hung out together for Valentines Day, but get this i haven't even kissed him yet lol, which is strange for me because i will usually kiss a guy on the first date, but with him i didnt and i am seeing how long i could go with out kissing him, and i can't believe i still haven't and now i kinda don't want to , i don't feel as if we are connecting, but get this he does, he is already intensely into me and it's kinda strange cause he wants to do so much things for me and spend a lot of time with me, and we haven't even kissed , i like the attention and the fact that he asks about my ratties and how i am doing and texts to me alot, because i am a attention whore, but i feel bad because i don't think i am into him, and i don't want to kiss him, but i like his attention i don't know what to do, i feel like i could be giving up a good guy who will treat me like a princess and give me the attention i want and stuff, but i don't think i could give all myself , idk it's so confusing.

So then the other side is this guy i went out with a little bit after my break up , we went on a date, he was nice , sweet, and handsome. but then he got really busy and went away, so i was like ok, and continued dating and what not, so then not to long ago he started talking with me again, saying how he wanted to see me and so fourth but each time we would try to arrange something , something would come up, i am a patient girl, and plus there was something about him that made me want to not give up on him, so we were supposed to hang out the day before valentines , but he got into a accident and couldn't make it, he wanted to hang sunday but i had plans, and then he messaged me this evening asking if i wanted to hang out with him, and i was like sure, so he picked me up and i can't believe how nervous i was, we had met before but i was feeling how i do when i first meet people, but then we started talking and i felt sort of calm and collected and he is one strange guy very antsy, in a rush, i think he has A.D.D. not very patient guy, so he kinda got on my nervous with that, and he seems like a sweet guy but really i don't even know if he has time for me to give me the attention i want or need, he owns his own business and is always on the run going places and doing things, so i think i need to give up on him and go another direction, because i wasn't feeling from him that i was what he wanted either , i think he needs a fast paced lady who can jet set with him and go to all the places he goes for business and who can keep up with him, because he is a older gentleman, and i am a 25 year old woman, but this short time with this man he exhausted me, because he would change his thought to one thing of another it was just weird very very weird.

I just wish i could find a decent guy who can give me the attention i want, who can make me laugh, who i can have fun with, who i want to kiss, who i am attracted to physically , mentally, emotionally. Someone who is going to understand me, I am not that complicated a women, this is what i want a man who wants to know me the person i am and who is more interesting in getting to know each other to see if we can be more then just sex, someone who is able to put that to the side for a moment and get to know each other deeply and then share a special night and share a intimate moment and if we get along great the chemistry is awesome and the passion is there then great perfect that's what i wish would come into my life, but yes i understand women tend to want what doesn't exist, but it's not like i am asking for a vampire/prince who will fight the world to protect me from all evil and others blah blah , just want someone that i can grow old with and still want to be with them when we are old and wrinkly, watching our great grand kids play, is it really that hard to find the man of my dreams, when they aren't that far fetched.... yup it is.

Anyway on a lighter note, there is a pet shop i go to get my Pet Ratties food and they had a Emu for sell it was awesome would love to have because that was one cool EMU and i would name it Odin or some kind of O name looks like he would have a O name lol, he would be my best animal friend lol, naw i know its stupid , my ratties are my best friends and they would sooooo get mad if i got a new pet, not really, but i like to think so lol.

well I've been watching bones and i am almost finished with the first season my friend let me borrow it, so i am going to end this blog and go finish it.


XOXO D