Dark side of the Stars

today i woke up to the sound of beautiful rain how lovely it is to just sit and listen to its breathtaking music. I just wish i had someone to share it with and a cup of cocoa , after a bit of listening to it, i decided what would go great with it would be listening to some lullatone , there music goes really well with the rain you should try it sometime.

Spent my day watching episodes of house caught up on that.

Every moment it become closer and closer to Christmas and i don't feel any closer to getting the holiday spirit, the music is all around , the decorations are up, even the weather is on schedule crisp cold air perfect to fit the season, but I don't feel it , and i just feel blah and i want so bad to be in the spirit , so bad to want to do things but i just can't and i look at myself and go why , i want to slap myself and say go do something , but nothing happens.

All I want for Christmas is to be happy, I don't want gifts or a big ass dinner i don't need, i just want to feel happy, i want to have a reason to smile, i want something to make me want to have a goal a future ......... i love being happy and smiling and being with my family , but there is just something missing in my life and i have no idea what it is or how to achieve it, i really think i should start going to church maybe look towards god for the answer , i mean he saved my rat kyoshi and that i am truly thankful for.

I just really needed to write what i was feeling it helps me a lot i don't have anyone to really talk things out with basically i am the one everyone tells their troubles to and that's it. I will feel better i just need to cry it out, sometimes you just need to cry ya know.



"Let your tears come. Let them water your soul." ~Eileen Mayhew

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